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Hello My Friend Jesus, I know I have a friend in Jesus. My good friend Chad and his beautiful wife Tammy are expecting a child. Chad and Tammy need help with the name. Chad is a big fan of The Beastie Boys and with the Old Testiment Book of Daniel. Chad likes the names Sadrach Meshach and Abednego however Tammy is not a fan of any of this. Please help this couple come to a peaceful resolution to this important question. What should the child be named. Please provide a male name and a female name. Or a cool name like Pat that could cover both genders equally. Many thanks. -The Reverend Mike Shorkey - Columbus, IN 9/25/09 My Friend, First of all, let me offer the congratulations to this Chad and Tammy. Furthermore, I would like to applaud the Chad on his musical tastes. The Shadrach is not only my favorite Beastie's song of all the time, it is also one of my favorite music videos of all the time. Yes, the Take on Me and the Money For Nothing by the a-ha and the Dire Straits respectively hold special places in my heart. But the Shadrach my friend, that is 4:07 worth of the audio and visual excellence from one of the best albums of all the time, the Paul's Boutique. Now, on to the more pressing issue, that of the nameless baby. While I think the compromise can often be reached by forcing a combination from the names of both parties, I do not think a baby named either Chammy or Tad would have the best of childhoods. The playground teasing would be severe. Less so for Tad, but my friend, poor Chammy wouldn't stand a chance. She could very well end up a party of one at recess, alone at the monkey bars, uninspired to swing to and fro. She might just dangle by one arm, still, as the other children take turns throwing balls at her from afar. And my friend, no cooties shot will help her. Chammy would inevitably have some of the worst cooties the school has ever seen. I must admit however, that without knowing the last name of this Chad and Tammy, it is very difficult to come up with a good suggestion for the baby. Successful names are often due to the syllabic rhythm. For instance, try saying the Ricardo Montalban out loud. Exquisite, no? Or how about the alluring alliteration of the Lorenzo Lamos? Spicy indeed, my friend. Still not convinced? Then perhaps try soaking in the suave sophistication from uttering the simple syllabic brilliance of Billy Dee Williams. Still, I will do what I can so that you will not be left empty handed. Silly as it may sound, what about the simple choice of Mister for a boy? Yes my friend, you may laugh. But imagine the fun in asking a little Mister what he is doing. "Just what do you think you are up to, Mister?" Or how about this one, "Eat your vegetables, Mister." My friend, such a name would turn every mundane conversation into an adventure in the cuteness. "Does Mister need his diaper changed?" Yes my friend, that is a good one. As for a girl name, I suppose you could use Lady in the same way. However, to be honest, that feels like I'm just phoning that one in for consistency's sake. Let me say this, if Tammy is adverse to the awesomeness of naming a child either the Shadrach, the Mesach, or the Abednego, I would venture to guess that she conversely would be thrilled at the idea of using one of the flower varieties for a little girl. While I don't think the Beastie Boys and flowers are diametrically opposed, this makes sense to me for some reason. Therefore, I offer either the Lily, the Rose, the Daisy, the Clover, or the Iris. Finally, I would not recommend the Pat. Especially when there are far more superior names of recurring Saturday Night Live characters available. I will not go too deep into this territory, but I will suggest one of my favorite characters from the genius Phil Hartman. My friend, see what the Chad and Tammy think of using the name from the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer. Yes my friend, the Keyrock. It could be a good compromise, no?

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